The Most Ridiculous FPS Weapons Of All Time

first_imgLet us know what you like about Geek by taking our survey. Ever since Doom introduced the BFG, the arms race in first-person shooters has been out of control. Once designers exhausted the possibilities of your basic pistols, rifles and shotguns they had to delve deep into their imaginations to give players new and different ways to frag foes into explosions of gibs. Some of those new weapons came from real life, while others were the product of imaginations fevered by all-nighters and Jolt Cola.Stop by the weapon locker and arm yourself with this array of bizarre and goofy FPS weapons, from pint-sized pistols to machine guns that talk back and more. These are our picks for the most ridiculous firearms (and other tools of death and destruction) ever featured in a first-person shooter.ElectrodriverThe Painkiller games are known for absurd and inventive weapons, and one of the silliest is the Electrodriver. It’s a railgun that uses magnetism to launch projectiles, but instead of normal bullets it shoots ninja throwing stars. And not just any ordinary throwing stars – they explode on contact. Oh, and it also fires bolts of lightning. Oh, and it also also lets you electrify an entire clip of throwing stars and shoot them all at once, because this entire game was designed on the back of a middle schooler’s math homework.The BaneIt’s hard to communicate exactly how obnoxious the Bane from Borderlands 2 is in mere text. You look at the image above, it just looks like another gun. But in a game full of diverse and wacky weapons, this one is the most memorable. You see, the Bane has two effects on your character when you wield it. One, it slows your movement speed down to a painful crawl. That’s bad, but worse is the insanely annoying sound effects that it makes when you shoot, reload or change weapons. They’re so obnoxious that even if you turn the game’s volume down, they still play at maximum loudness!KlobbTypically, having a video game weapon named after you is an honor. But for Ken Lobb, he probably wishes the guys at Rare had passed. The Klobb is far and away GoldenEye‘s most obnoxious weapon, a Czechoslovakian-made machine gun that has a pathetically slow rate of fire, tiny magazine and wildly inaccurate sighting and piddly damage. Allegedly Lobb had a reputation behind the scenes as a guy who talked too much and didn’t get a lot done, so the naming of the weapon was a subtle diss towards him.Voodoo Doll1997’s Blood rode the FPS wave to a gorier place, featuring an undead gunslinger on a quest for vengeance against an evil god. Cosmetically, it looks a lot like Doom (as did most FPSes of its era), but it brought some innovation in the world of weapons. Sure, you had your typical shotguns and explosives, but you could also make a flamethrower out of a can of hair spray and, most notably, torment your foes with the power of voodoo. Stick a needle into the voodoo doll and it’ll cause high damage to any enemy in sight – but if there’s nobody nearby, you’ll hurt yourself instead. Don’t mess with dark forces, buddy.2mm KolibriSize isn’t everything, but charging into the fray with this dinky little pistol in Battlefield will make you wish for a few more inches. Based on a real weapon that was made in 1914 by a German watchmaker, the pint-sized pistol blasts out bullets the size of bee stings. Yes, they eject at a flabbergasting speed but the tiny projectile means it doesn’t pack much of a punch. In-game, it’s mostly used as a way to humiliate your enemies due to its pathetically low damage and accuracy. It takes four close-range headshots in a row to down somebody with one, but man is it satisfying.SBC CannonDespite its name, Serious Sam was anything but. The first-person shooter series from indie studio Croteam featured wacky enemies like headless screaming suicide bombers with explosives for hands, and protagonist Sam took them out with a wide variety of ordinance. He had access to the typical pistols and submachine guns, but for best results the SBC Cannon couldn’t be beat. This was exactly what it sounds like: a cannon, like you’d find on a pirate ship, that lobbed balls of lead death that knocked over enemies like bowling pins.BootspoonChex Quest isn’t your conventional first-person shooter. It was distributed by means of cereal box, for one thing. So it’s only natural that this bizarre promotional Doom conversion would boast some unusual armaments. Your primary projectile weapons against the cereal-craving alien hordes are ray guns called “zorchers,” but when it’s time for melee you have to depend on your trusty spoon, which takes the place of the Doomguy’s default knife. Even better, instead of a chainsaw Chex Quest gives you a spork.Cow LauncherThe world of South Park has been translated into a bevy of different game genres, from RPGs to racers. But the 1998 first-person shooter released on the Nintendo 64 was the very first. Unfortunately, the console’s limited poly count made for a pretty sad game, but it had its moments. The weaponry was one – how many other FPS titles let you throw snowballs at your foes, or even soak them with piss? For our money, the iconic gun of South Park is the Cow Launcher, which blasts bovines through the air. If a cow hits a foe, it lands rectum-first and engulfs their head until they suffocate.PotatoWhen you’re training to fight the Nazis, you can’t use live ammunition. So in Call Of Duty 2‘s tutorial, your Red Army soldier is given potatoes to practice his grenade throwing skills. Needless to say, they don’t explode when they hit the ground, but do bounce around convincingly. Amusingly enough, you can take them into actual combat and role-play as a militant vegan using Mother Earth’s armaments against the German horde, and occasionally a well-placed potato shot can actually down an enemy.Pheromone ShotsJapan isn’t really known for first-person shooter development, and when they do dip a toe into the genre things get… a little weird. Case in point, Gal*Gun, which casts the player as a high school student mistakenly shot with Cupid’s arrows. Now every single girl in school is after his junk and he needs to blast them away with “pheromone shots” to bring them to incapacitating orgasm. It’s more than a little ridiculous, but we’d expect no less.Teat GunIf you go into the Redneck Rampage series expecting classy design and restrained mechanics, I don’t know what to tell you. The late-90s trilogy cast the player as a pair of brothers who battled an alien invasion while regaining health by eating Moon Pies and drinking beer. Most of the weapons were pretty basic, but if you downed a big-titted alien vixen, you could grab her Teat Gun (a brassiere with a pair of machine guns built into the cups) and strap it on to cause carnage with a little gender confusion in the mix.last_img read more

Read More →

The Gifted Season 2 Ep 5 Recap The Reunion Weve Waited For

first_img ‘The Gifted’ S2 Finale Recap: Death, Destruction & Hope for Season 3’The Gifted’ Season 2, Episode 13 Recap: They Need a Hero Stay on target Well, last week ripped our heart out with the death of Blink (noooo, she was my favorite!), and this episode made sure the wound stayed open. The opening flashback isn’t a years-ago parallel to the events of this episode. It’s from two months ago. A tender moment between Thunderbird and Blink. From the moment he convinced her to stay. Jeez, they really had to make it hurt. More importantly, it featured Thunderbird reassuring her that he believed Lorna would return. That she’d see how terrible the inner circle was. Well, the latter happened. And with Reeva closing in, Lorna’s return to the Underground is inevitable.For now though, Thunderbird is angry and in pain. He lashes out at Erg, trying to bait him into using his power against him. Erg nearly does too, until the little girl stops him from murdering a fellow mutant. It’s really the only rational thing going on right now. For everyone else, the world has been thrown into chaos. The Underground is trying to find space for all the Morlock refugees. A task Eclipse has to pull away from to deal with a grieving John. To make matters worse, after the Purifiers massacred the Morlocks, Reeva is ready to enact the next phase of her plan. She plans to send her team to destroy government buildings.At least one thing goes right. While Reid is checking out the area Thunderbird’s having his crisis in, he runs into Ted Wilson. He’s initially able to convince him that he’s not a mutant, but the stress of the situation sets his powers off. Before Wilson can react, Reid grabs his gun, turning it to ashes. When Wilson threatens to wipe out all mutants, Reid grabs hold of his neck and does the same to him. Reid looks like he feels guilty, but it’s about time this racist cop got his.Lowery Brown and Stephen Moyer (Cr: Annette Brown/FOX.)Reid and Eclipse convince Thunderbird to come back with them, rather than wait for Purifiers and/or cops to take him out. Even though he’s able to calm down a bit, he still can’t use his powers. Anytime he tries to track anyone, he just sees Clarice. That’s going to make finding Lauren and Kate, still on the run from the cops they shot at last week, a little harder. They resort to the old-fashioned way of using a police scanner. And hey, it’s a little slow, but it works. They come across a large police response and narrow down which building Kate and Lauren are holed up in. They find the one unguarded brick wall, meaning Reid has to break it down on command. I have to say, this particular arc was handled pretty well this season. It’s been fun to watch Reid, little by little, accept and learn to control his mutant powers. Here, it comes to its logical conclusion, with Eclipse giving Reid an impromptu lesson right when he needs it most. With the Strucker family mostly reunited, it’s time to get the missing member back.Speaking of, Lorna spent this episode learning what she could about Reeva’s final plan before getting the hell out of dodge. The more she learns, the more horrified she is. Same goes for Andy, who puts on a tough front at first, but grows clearly uncomfortable throughout the episode. Percy Hynes White gets a lot to chew on in this episode and he makes the most of it. It’s not until Reeva shows everyone the tunnels they’ll use to get inside the Sentinel Services building that Lorna puts everything together. Reeva’s working withe the purifiers to further drive a wedge between mutants and non-mutants. She used them to drive out/slaughter the Morlocks so she could use their network of tunnels. Andy’s already shaken at this point by the prospect of the violence he’ll have to commit. When Lorna reveals everything she’s learned, he loses faith in the inner circle entirely. It’s only a fear of being rejected that keeps him there. He saw how scared his family looked when he nearly killed that Purifier. How will they accept him back after all this time working against them.Grace Byers–Cr: Steve Dietl/FOX.The two main stories come together so nicely here. This season spent a lot of time with all the main characters split up. Sometimes it led to some cool moments and action packed episodes. All too often, it gave us overstuffed hours where no story could get the momentum it needed. It was always a welcome change of pace when two seemingly separate stories could link up like this. And with one episode left, this instance was the season’s most satisfying. Andy asks to speak to his dad, and explains that he feels he has to stay with the inner circle because of the darkness inside of him. Reid explains that he has that darkness too. He killed a man earlier because he wanted to. By this point, we know how this is going to go. Andy will realize that he won’t be alone back with the Underground and decide to return. But, the show has one more ad break to get through, so the show has to drag it out.This is the one moment where the episode’s pacing hits a serious speed bump. This was one of my favorite episodes all season, hitting the fast-paced dramatic highs of the first. So it was especially jarring when the show tried to drag out the question of whether Andy would return for another 10 minutes. It slowed everything down and forced us to wait for a conclusion we already knew was coming. None of the intended suspense landed, we just had to sit through a few filler scenes. Fortunately, that didn’t make the actual reunion any less satisfying. This is what we’d been waiting for all season. Sure, splitting the Underground like this led to some poorly plotted episodes, but it sure felt good to see the entire Strucker family back together. Even better was the reunion of Eclipse and Polaris, with the Aurora Borealis swirling around their embrace. It’s just so sweet, which is exactly what this dire situation needed. It’s even enough to snap Thunderbird out of his funk.Sean Teale, Stephen Moyer, Amy Acker, Percy Hynes White, Natalie Alyn Lind, Emma Dumont and Blair Redford–Cr: Annette Brown/FOX.The only part that’s still not quite working for me is Jace Turner’s story. Are they trying to give him a redemption arc or not? Because at this point, he probably doesn’t deserve one. He killed Blink and covered up the murder of a kid tied to a chair. He starts to feel bad about busting up what was essentially a refugee camp with children in it. He brings up these concerns to Bennedict Ryan who uses Wilson’s death to get Turner back in line. Maybe he’s beginning to sense he’s being manipulated, but it gets harder to care every time this happens. I don’t know how many more times I can watch Turner almost do the right thing, then fall right back in with the worst people. Here’s hoping it all somehow pays off in next week’s finale, though.The Gifted airs Tuesdays at 9 p.m. on Fox.Previously on The Gifted:The Gifted Season, Episode 13 RecapThe Gifted Season 2 Episode 12 RecapThe Gifted Season 2 Episode 11 Recaplast_img read more

Read More →